# Walking in eggshels



## OneStepAtATime (May 11, 2012)

I'm trying VERY hard to find another job, but as we all know the market is tough, and to make matter harder for me, I dont hqve my CPC yet.

Can someone please give me some advise on what I should do?? I feel like I've used every step to attempt to make the tension at work lesser, but it's not working. 
Please, advise... someone.
Thank you.
Stressed


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## JudyW (May 11, 2012)

I am so sorry you are feeling so bad and that nothing you seem to do is making it any better.  Have you tried talking to your co-worker about how she makes you feel.  She might not even know how she is making you feel.  It is very difficult sometimes to deal with some peoples and how they treat other people.  All you can do is keep trying to find another job and work on getting your certification so that you will be more employable in the future.  Try not to let her get to you and keep the faith that something good will come out of all of this.  You sure are getting a lesson in coping with difficult people. I know I can not give you the perfect answer but I am always here if you just need to talk to someone, you can email me directly or call anytime.


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## OneStepAtATime (May 11, 2012)

Hi Judy, 

This person has been made aware by me on different occasions on how their attitude, and blatant disrespect effects my working enviroment. Needless to say, they don't care. I have talked to members of my family about the problems I'm facing with my employer, and my family has suggested that I talk to my boss on Monday, and tell them that it's time I start looking for employment elsewhere, because things at work are not getting any better, and that it's not good for my health. Also to let her know that I will give them 2 weeks notice once something comes along, but that it is time that I move on to another place where I'm not being bullied.

Thoughts?

.Stressed.


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## jmcpolin (May 11, 2012)

I am so sorry that you have to go through that, it makes it very hard to get up and go to work everyday.  I think some people are just very insecure and they need to make others feel bad in order to feel good about themselves.  Don't let others take away your confidence and inner strength, remember you are not the bad guy here.


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## JudyW (May 11, 2012)

I have to agree with Jennifer, you are not the bad guy here.  I would take the weekend and think about what is best for you both mentally and finincially. I wish you all the best, but only you can make such a decision as it will be you that it is impacting.


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## specialtycoder (May 11, 2012)

Dear Stressed One-Step,
     Let's not sugar-coat this--some people really enjoy being mean and hurtful to others.  It sounds like you have tried every reasonable approach.  The reason none of it has worked is because this person is enjoying making you miserable. From what you have described, it sounds like a hostile work environment to me! 
     Please do not quit your job until you have another one lined up.  Quit on your own terms.    
     At the same time, decide that you are no longer available for abuse. Remember, it is about the work, not about being personal friends.  Continue to be unfailingly polite and professional, but no more walking on eggshells.  
     Document specific incidents for a couple of weeks, then request a meeting with the boss.  Calmly, in a non-threatening manner, let him/her know that you are there to do a great job, but will no longer tolerate being treated poorly.  You expect to be treated with a normal degree of of workplace professionalism and cordiality.  After you have reached an understanding, ask to have the co-worker meet with the 2 of you so she will understand what the new expectations are.  
     Do not expect this unpleasant person to change.  But you can change how you react to her by not letting her get to you.  This too shall pass.


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## ollielooya (May 11, 2012)

Great advice and support from those who have contributed to this thread.  I can't imagine having to endure the "dread" of the workplace environment and really feel bad for this colleague member.

There was a time during my earlier profession when I crossed paths with someone as you described and our confrontations literally made me very sick for an extended period of time.  But I learned from this unpleasant experience, even if to determine that I would never allow myself to become victimized by such treatment or become like the person who was inflicting the damage.  Unfortunately, these type of people do exist.  Some are aware of how they are, and others just don't care.  Please take the advice you've received from our forum members and know you are not alone.


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## anicho4250@aol.com (May 12, 2012)

OneStepAtATime said:


> I've been at my job now for awhile, it's a VERY small company, but nonetheless it's a job and I enjoy the work that I'm doing. Problem is, is that I have a co-worker who is like dr. jekyll and mr. hyde. This person is very 2 faced, rude, mean, be litteling, sweet as pie when the boss is there, and treats me like scum when the boss is gone.
> 
> I've talked to my boss about these problems several times now, and nothing is being done. Along with that, there is no one higher I can go to. I'm anxious when I go to work, I'm a nervous wreck while I'm at work, it's even worse if the boss leaves for something, and by the time the days done, I just go to my car and cry out of frustration.
> 
> ...



I am sorry to hear what you are going through. Sometimes work in itself can be stressful, and to have  added stress from a co-worker; a place you spend so much of your day is unfair. You metioned you talk to your boss about this on several occasions, but to no avail. As a last resort I would arm myself with a tape recorder, call a meeting with your mean co-worker and the boss, have your recorder and see where it go from there. She might be so embarassed she may just not show up the next day. Others on this thread may not agree with me, but I need to have this stop, and if this is the route I have to take I will. If you have to have proof for your boss to take some action. No one deserve to work in an environment like yours.

Vanessa Nicholas, CPC


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## jsl31 (May 13, 2012)

It's terrible to be in a situation where the work environment is not conducive to your working needs. I have been in between 2 tension filled women the past six months and have addressed the situation to HR but their answer is to 'just get over it or else we will shut the dept. down.' So needless to say, I'm looking for another place to be. If HR cannot help, the administration will not help, then it's time to go but not till you have something else lined up. It's best to have a backup plan for yourself. Yes, I know it is a terrible condition to work in but at least you will not leave will nothing to go to. 

Just my advise.


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## lec121661 (May 13, 2012)

*eggshells*

i know a young lady who is in the same situation as you are in. i was once her supervisor along with her mentor.  My advice to her was to document  every meeting. keep a journal since she is on probation she was told she could not do a grievence my advice was to contact eeo and inform them of the hostile working enviorment and see what her options  are

good luck


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## K.hancin (May 13, 2012)

There is a website dedicated to those who have been targeted that may be helpful: www.workplacebullying.org

Also, instead of a meeting, you might consider e-mailing your supervisor and send yourself a copy. In the chance that it should escalate, you'll have proof that you gave management the opportunity to address the situation.


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## bridgettemartin (May 14, 2012)

I personally know how terrible it is to be in a hostile work environment, and see the bully's behavior go un-checked. (I could've written your post). I don't understand why people like that manage to stay in the boss' good graces. It's been my experience, when you work for a small company with no real HR department, your in-house options are limited. Even if you did have someone higher up to go to, it's hard to work under someone once you've gone over their head to complain.  Document your encounters with the bully, in case you do need to submit examples. And, document your discussions with management in case you decide to take your concerns outside the employer.  Good luck with your job search.  I hope something comes along for you soon.


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## j-fowler57 (May 14, 2012)

I too was in a situation like yours. I put up with it for months... lonnnnng months. And no matter what I did it didn't get better. She was smart enough not to be rude and hateful when the boss was around. The thing is she did this to everyone.. one at a time and when it became my turn she was relentless. I talked to the boss several times to no avail as well as you. I documented, went to HR, went directly to her and asked what the problem was, etc. Nothing worked. I was so stressed I got to where I was coming to work at the last minute and leaving as soon as I could. I looked for another job knowing I couldn't afford to quit that one and thankfully I found one. I LOVE IT!!!! So to me she did me a favor. I'm back to coding and work with a group of fantastic people. AND I did get my just desserts when the company called me for an exit interview and was very surprised at the reason I was leaving. (not sure what became of it ) And rumor has it she is treating the new girl the same way. So try to keep your head up and not let her know she gets to you ( easier said than done) GOOD LUCK!!!!


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## rallymc222 (May 15, 2012)

*V62.1*

all else fails, file FMLA with a doctors dx of V62.1 ... and take that time to get another job... of course i'm kidding... but thought it might make you smile... i can only say one thing... those that anger you , control you... as soon as they know their actions no longer effects you, they will stop... Good luck fellow coder.


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